25 – a state of the me address

Wife, Writer, Worrier – working title for my memoir

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I started my 25th year much like my 24th, sick in bed and feeling sorry for myself. 25 sounded so old, and I thought I’d have more done by now. Mostly, I thought I’d be able to add the title “mother” to my list. As the 29th rolled closer and closer and my womb felt emptier and emptier, I started to question my choices, my direction, and even my identity. Who even am I? A list-maker by birth, I thought I would start with three things:

I’m a wife.
I never thought I’d take so much pride in that title, but I do. I’m really proud of the marriage I’ve built with Tyson. Even though I often feel like I fall short in this area (thanks a lot, Pinterest), I’ve learned that there’s more to taking care of a person than feeding them. Being a wife is a hard but fulfilling calling, and it’s not one I take lightly. Of all the titles I’ve held so far, this has been my favorite one.

I’m a writer.
I think “word-lover” is more accurate, but “writer” is a little more poetic. I have loved words for as long as I can remember. The first time I ever got in trouble in school was in fifth grade, when I was caught reading a Baby-Sitters Club book while the teacher was doing a math problem on the board. Being well-read has made me feel like I’m well-travelled, even though I’m not, and there’s only a few things I’d rather be doing instead of reading.

Writing is the way I connect with the world, and reading is the way I feel like it connects with me. Nothing brightens my day like feeling something I read was written just for me. I know that God is a concerned father, and I can imagine Him inspiring someone to write something as He thinks, “Brenda’s going to love this.” And I do. I hope my words are one day that inspired.

I’m a worrier.
Don’t ever ask me, “What’s the worst that could happen?” I won’t be able to recover for weeks. I can worry myself into a panic about pretty much anything. Worry has taken so many hours from me without ever being worth it. It’s one of my least favorite things about myself, and one I hope to remedy at some point.

Overcoming worry will be a major theme in my upcoming memoir. Look for it at all major book retailers beginning August 2040, just in time for my 50th birthday. I hope to know more and be more by then. Also, I hope to have done something about my posture by then. I need to get that under control.

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