the best two years

When we’d been married a few months, Tyson and I went to the Newport Beach temple together one day. Someone stopped me in the dressing room and asked me how long I’d been married. When I told her I’d been married a few months, she said, “I thought you were brand new newlyweds because you still have that light in your eyes.” I thanked her, went to my dressing room, and wrote a quick note for myself in a little notebook I always carry: “I hope the light never goes out of our eyes.”

I know two years isn’t terribly long, but it’s two years of paying bills together, two years of dirty socks piled by the bed, two years of occasionally misunderstanding each other and hurting each other’s feelings. How can we keep that light in our eyes through all that? Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

  1. Be clear about your expectations. Even if you’re a mindreader, your spouse is not.
  2. Strive to express love in your spouse’s love language.
  3. Try to go to bed at the same time, even if you’re mad at each other.
  4. It’s better to go to bed mad at each other than to stay up fighting and saying something you’ll regret. A good night’s sleep is a marriage saver.
  5. Fight fair –  No name calling or recalling past mistakes.
  6. Don’t take everything personally. Just because he didn’t take out the trash doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. It just means that he didn’t take out the trash.
  7. Imitate the behaviors of successful marriages.
  8. Remember that it’s never too late to have the kind of marriage you’ve always wanted. You can still be soul mates.


I know we’re still technically newbies, but two years of marriage makes you qualified to give marriage advice, right? ; )


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